Over the last 5 months, I searched for a new blog name that would be simple, memorable and convey the holistic healing that is changing my life. A Google search for “nos cura,” Spanish for “heals us,” gave me a hit for BibleGateway’s Reina-Valera translation of Matthew 9:1-8. In this story, the friends of a paralyzed man bring him before Jesus. Jesus heals the man’s body from paralysis and his soul from shame. Curiously, this passage from Google’s search does not contain the words “nos cura.” In it, I found what I was looking for.

I imagine that it was not always easy for the paralyzed man to let his friends carry him around. Just as it can be excruciating for me to call a friend and ask for a ride again because my nausea or migraines or fatigue are too great for me to get myself where I need to go. The paralyzed man had the humility to ask his friends to take him to Jesus because he knew he couldn’t get there by himself. He was desperate for healing, desperate enough that he reached out for help when he needed it.

My ongoing experience of healing, and of those who have shared theirs with me, indicate that when it comes to breathing transformation into body or soul, Jesus doesn’t force anyone’s hand. He sees our hearts and honors our choice to follow, or not. To be in a place where I can hear and listen and obey his voice? To focus, I fight hard and rest deep. This place is freedom because his voice speaks peace, joy, hope, when I could instead dwell in anger and bitterness because I am sick. Sometimes, my desire is for healing, but following Jesus means following him through pain and loss and the burning of the forge. And sometimes the sickness and the burning doesn’t stop for a very long time, and some may not stop at all until my body is laid to its final rest and awakens again healthy and whole, seeing his perfect face in front of mine for the very first time.

Jesus freed the paralyzed man of two burdens that day: his broken body, and his spirit which was crushed by guilt and shame. He looked this man in the eyes, saw his heart and immediately extended bodily restoration and complete forgiveness. This same Jesus, this same voice, is who I choose to follow or not to follow every day. And on the days where I’m exhausted, when Jesus’ voice to me is “not now, wait, trust me,” when my body aches and my heart races and my spirit despairs, mi hermanos y hermanas, my brothers and my sisters, they bring me to Jesus. Their prayers and support carry me through simple acts of loving service and through pleading with God on my behalf because I’ve screamed myself hoarse and collapsed in a puddle of tears.

This is my vision. El Espíritu nos cura. The Spirit heals us.